Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
