i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
