Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
