Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
