you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
