Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
