been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
