I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So much rum. So many feels.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
