What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
