I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we're making bets on your personal life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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