I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
