The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
