Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize