Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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