Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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