Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
