So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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