I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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