Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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