I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
