There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
