okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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