Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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