dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
