OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
