I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
