Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this will be a night to untag.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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