Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
