i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
