I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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