thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
