cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
