Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
