How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
