just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
