I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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