Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
