Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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