it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
These tits shall not be calmed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize