pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
