Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
