i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
not ubering you a puppy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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