i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
