I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
