I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize