I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
