I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
