You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
