I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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