Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i drank out of a bidet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
