This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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