Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
