i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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