I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
