he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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