We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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