3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
