Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
