did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
