Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Soap is not a condiment
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We left the knife in your bed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
