you guys were way drunker than both of me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
