Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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