If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
