Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
