Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
