he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
