I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize