need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
