Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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