Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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